Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we won’t ever think about the infidelity again. But it does mean that we make the conscious effort to not to think about it in ways that are destructive to us anymore. So, these thoughts will most likely come back to haunt you and that is only natural but, you have you have to be in control, don’t like your thoughts be in control of you. Forgiveness is choosing not to dwell on these negative thoughts in a way that can become destructive to you and your relationship.

Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to trust the other person. Trust is very different than forgiveness. Trust is something the other person must prove they are worthy of. Forgiveness is something we freely give and not something that has to be earned. In reality, you can forgive someone and never really trust them again.

Forgiveness is our choice and is up to us to give it or withhold it. But if you withhold your forgiveness in order to hurt the other party, you might just find out that the only person you are hurting is yourself. You’ll find that forgiving is very freeing, it’s freeing you of the bitterness and hatred that you’ve been carrying around in your heart towards this other person and your able to enjoy life again.

But you’ll find that forgiveness is a skill that must be practiced and learned. This won’t come over night and you may even find yourself forgiving the person over and over again. Know that this is okay and it doesn’t mean that you have never forgiven them. It just means that forgiveness takes practice and a lot of doing. You’ll find that forgiveness is a process that needs to be gone through.

It takes time and work to process our emotions towards this other person like anger, bitterness, hatred, sadness, etc. The process may seem to be moving ever so slowly or maybe not at all but just know that as long as your moving in a forward direction from where you are today then your doing just fine. There is no time line as long as you are moving forward and not backward. Just make sure you give yourself plenty of time to process all your emotions before you forgive. If you forgive to quickly, you’ll find that it’s not real genuine forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a commitment and takes work and determination on your part. You may wonder why you still hurt so badly even though you have forgiven the other person. Forgiveness doesn’t take the hurt away. Remember that forgiveness means you no longer want to get revenge on the other person, and that you won’t use what the have done to hurt them. Healing the hurt is another process all in itself.

People ask, “If I forgive them does that mean we have to reconcile?” No, reconciliation is different than forgiveness. You can forgive someone and not want to reconcile with him or her. Maybe they are still caught up in the affair so reconciliation is not an option for you but you can still forgive them and move on in your life.

Remember forgiveness is for you, not them. You can still forgive and not condone their behavior.
When you forgive and you let go of your feelings of anger, hatred, bitterness and revenge towards the other person, you get your life back. Your health improves and you find that you’re happy again and that good things are happening in your life again.