What people say after they first find out:

• Pretend that what they did is OK? For what? So they can say oh heck I got away with it and he/she forgave me why not do it again. I’ll be forgiven again.
• He admitted that he still thinks about her all the time. He also said that he felt constrained by our marriage, that he wasn’t sure that he loved me enough and that he no longer found me as attractive as he should.
• When reality does sink in – the hurt is just unbelievable. Frankly being stunned is much better – numbness is preferable to agony.
• The only way I would consider even discussing reconciling is if he agreed to NC for life period.
• I’m just in a state of shock.
• I can’t help but feel like everything is a lie and the whole last year of my life is gone.
• I am so very hurt!!! HE lied to me. …… what else is he hiding?
• I do not know what to do or how to continue life after I found out about my husbands affair.
• Sometimes I think ending my life would be the easiest way out.

• I just spent all day crying I can’t handle it anymore the pain hurts.
• He seems to be in a state where he doesn’t see my pain, he only sees his.
• I want to win back my husbands heart and show him that our marriage can be filled with happiness and joy and love, for each other, our children and for life again. I don’t know what to do.
• Despite everything I love my husband and want to do anything that I can to save our marriage.
• I’ve been crying almost constantly for 3 days since I found out.
• He brought her to my house to have sex. I feel like my sanctuary has been violated. No where is safe.
• I have all these images of them and they just keep popping into my head and then I cry so hard that I can’t breath.
• I have never encountered anything so painful and confusing.

What helped me get through this stage of recovery:

• Support from friends, family members, forums, support groups, etc. that were all marriage friendly and wanted to see us succeed.
• Praying
• Just taking it one hour at a time
• Talking about the affair at length with my husband being totally open and honest
• Not making any major decisions about staying or leaving.
• Going on anti-depressants
• Talking with a marriage coach
• Reading all the books I could get my hands on