Shock

The disruption of the world, as you know it. Whether or not you suspected the affair before finding out about it, there’s the shock of actually knowing “for sure”.

Feelings: numbness, shame, slam to self-esteem, devastation, high anxiety, shock, hopelessness, feeling of being utterly alone, totally betrayed.

Most people show all the signs of having post traumatic stress disorder. They can’t eat, can’t sleep, and feel expected to leave the cheating partner. Others expect them to leave also. They can’t cope with normal day-to-day living. Memory (short term) seems to be gone. Can’t seem to think straight. Some have suicidal thoughts that may really get out of hand and they need medical attention.

One day you thought you had a good marriage and then next day your marriage seems to be over. You no longer trust yourself or anyone. What you thought you knew about yourself, life and your marriage is now shattered. It feels like it’s all been a lie. Very focused on the; who, what, where, how and why. You have a lot of “what if’s” running through your head.

You want to scream and rail at your partner. You want all the details about the affair. Above all, you want the secrecy to stop.

Questions asked during this time:

• Will he cheat again?
• How Do I Make the Pain Go Away?
• Just found out- what do I do now?
• How many of you have been successful at bringing a wayward spouse back?
• Can I save this marriage at this point?
• Will this affair really just die or fade out?
• How can a man who says he loves me do this to me?
• Is it normal for her to still want her former lover physically even though she chose me?
• Is it normal for her to think sex was more exciting with her lover then me?
• Can a couple ever recover from this much deception and betrayal?
• Can someone tell me how long it will take before this pain starts to go away?
• How long before my heart stops feeling like it’s going to explode?
• Is there a time frame for getting back into bed with a WHY?
• Is there a chance for healing from this and have a better life together?
• How could he have had an affair?