Confronting the Other Person

You are NOT going to want to do this face to face.  I do not ever tell anyone to do this face to face.  Emotions can really go wild and you will find yourself behaving in ways you wish you never did.  It’s better to either write a letter or an email.  You only want to say this, “I know that you are having an affair with my husband/wife.  I love him/her very much and I want to save my marriage and keep my family together.  Your relationship with my husband/wife is NOT okay.  This affair is coming in between us and making it impossible to heal our marriage.  Please respect our marriage and end all contact with (spouse’s name) forever.

Okay, so they will probably have a really good laugh over it or deny it all or say that they are going to sue the pants off you.  Believe it or not the point of the letter isn’t to get them to end their affair with your spouse but to through a huge wrench into the affair and really rock the boat.  You want to cause major conflict in their relationship.  You don’t want their relationship to be all rosy and wonderful, like they think it is.  Remember they are in a fantasy and none of it is real.  The sooner your spouse wakes up to this the better.  You are hoping that they know spend their time together talking about YOU and how horrible and psycho you are, and this is okay.  It doesn’t matter what they are talking about as long as it’s unpleasant.  Having them fight is better then having them have a romantic dinner together.

Your spouse may have also told the affair partner that they were divorced, separated or that there really is no love at home.  Sending this letter will show you in a different light and the affair partner may start seeing that your spouse has been lying to them too.