Who to Tell

Your family, your spouse’s family, your friends, his/her friends, his/her boss or work, colleagues, your church family, the other person’s family and friends, etc. Just know that you are not “spouse bashing”, this is not where you run and tell everyone you come across what a horrible spouse you have. That is not the point in telling people.

Here is what you want to say. “My spouse is having an affair with (other person). I know this because of (tell of the evidence). I love (spouse’s name) and I want to save our marriage. Please help me by encouraging him/her to do the right thing by ending their affair and all contact with (other person’s name) and recommit to our marriage.

It is VERY important that you tell the other person’s spouse if they are married. This will help in getting the affair over quickly. This is your goal, to end the affair and this is the quickest way to do just that. There is no hope for your marriage if the affair continues.

Most affairs happen in the workplace so it is extremely important to expose the affair where they work. Most places of employment will put a stop to an ongoing affair if they know about it. Get in contact with his/her human resources department and let them know what is going on. Remember that when you are exposing the affair to their workplace to keep it respectful and not spouse bashing.

Here’s what you can say. “My (spouse’s name) is having an affair with one of your employee’s (other persons name). I know you will want to know this because of the high risk of sexual harassment due to inter office affairs. I would hate to see this happen to your company. I want to keep my marriage and family together and I love (spouse’s name) very much so I am hoping that you will take steps in stopping this affair. Thank you.”

You will only be taken seriously if you remain composed and calm the whole time. You don’t want to sound like a psycho going off on their spouse trying to stir up trouble. You will find that most people run away when you start talking about infidelity but if you talk about it in a matter of fact way, more people will listen to you and take you seriously.