Confronting Your Spouse

Before confronting your spouse be sure to have rock solid evidence so they can’t start denying it and then try and get you to feel “crazy” and that it’s all in your head. When you are confronting them you are not blaming, accusing, or being disrespectful. You are making factual statements about your evidence. Like, “I have found your cell phone records and I have seen you two together, I have these pictures from the P. I.”

Things like this. You just state what you have against them. Then you tell them how you feel about it. “I am totally devastated and hurt beyond your wildest imagination. My world fell apart when I found (fill in the blank). This will destroy our marriage if this continues on. You need to end all contact with (other person) and commit yourself back to our marriage.

You may think that you can’t confront your spouse because you are supposed to be friendly and respectful but this has nothing to do with that. This is about saving your marriage. Being friendly and respectful doesn’t mean that you are going to hide your head in the sand and pretend everything is okay when it’s clearly not. Your goal is to make the affair extremely uncomfortable. You are to keep your dignity during this confrontation though. Draw your boundaries and stick to them.

Expose, Expose, Expose

I know, I know, you really don’t want to do this. You have many excuses why not too. I can’t seem to get people to do this but it’s the most important thing for you to do. If you chose not to expose the affair you are letting your spouse continue on with the affair because you are making it safe for him/her to do so. Affairs are just like addictions and they take off like fire under the cloak of darkness but bring the affair to the light of day and it like throwing gallons of water on the fire making it go right out. A lot of the time, affairs stop only when exposed.