Wednesday, May 12th, 2010 at
7:20 am
Shock
The disruption of the world, as you know it. Whether or not you suspected the affair before finding out about it, there’s the shock of actually knowing “for sure”.
Feelings: numbness, shame, slam to self-esteem, devastation, high anxiety, shock, hopelessness, feeling of being utterly alone, totally betrayed.
Most people show all the signs of having post traumatic stress disorder. They can’t eat, can’t sleep, and feel expected to leave the cheating partner. Others expect them to leave also. They can’t cope with normal day-to-day living. Memory (short term) seems to be gone. Can’t seem to think straight. Some have suicidal thoughts that may really get out of hand and they need medical attention.
Read the rest of this entry
Sunday, May 9th, 2010 at
7:15 am
What people say after they first find out:
• Pretend that what they did is OK? For what? So they can say oh heck I got away with it and he/she forgave me why not do it again. I’ll be forgiven again.
• He admitted that he still thinks about her all the time. He also said that he felt constrained by our marriage, that he wasn’t sure that he loved me enough and that he no longer found me as attractive as he should.
• When reality does sink in – the hurt is just unbelievable. Frankly being stunned is much better – numbness is preferable to agony.
• The only way I would consider even discussing reconciling is if he agreed to NC for life period.
• I’m just in a state of shock.
• I can’t help but feel like everything is a lie and the whole last year of my life is gone.
• I am so very hurt!!! HE lied to me. …… what else is he hiding?
• I do not know what to do or how to continue life after I found out about my husbands affair.
• Sometimes I think ending my life would be the easiest way out.
Read the rest of this entry
Thursday, May 6th, 2010 at
7:10 am
Holding On
The attempt to maintain the old situation, the not letting go. This can take the form of denial of simply an unwillingness to deal with this significant change in your life. You may feel in limbo; unable to go back but unwilling to move forward.
Feelings: Anger, resentment, bitterness, need for revenge, roller coaster feelings, what feels like endless pain and hurt, depression, hopelessness, love, hate, frustration, unfairness,
Read the rest of this entry
Monday, May 3rd, 2010 at
7:05 am
Questions asked during this time:
• Can I really and truly ever forgive?
• Why do I still feel so sad?
• How can I stop thinking about his affair?
• How can I stop blaming myself?
• Will the pain ever go away?
• Is it normal to feel worse?
• How can I get it out of my mind?
• How can I recover when divorce results?
• How can I regain my self-esteem?
• What are the stages of recovery?
Read the rest of this entry
Friday, April 30th, 2010 at
7:00 am
Acknowledgment
Giving up; yielding to what is. Only when you reach this point can you even begin can you even begin to deal with the situation. At this point your thinking becomes possible, allowing you to get out from under being totally ruled by your emotions.
Adaptation and Change
Establishing a new world and a sense of worth. This is the “true” recovery period. So you can see that recovery does not begin right away. The first steps must be gotten through before recovery can be undertaken. The key is to get to this point of beginning the recovery as soon as possible.
Read the rest of this entry
Tuesday, April 27th, 2010 at
6:40 am
Affairs are not a love story……
They are addictions and they have nothing to do with love. I don’t care if your spouse says that the OP (Other Person) is their “soul mate” and that they didn’t know what “love” truly was until they meet the OP, this is NOT love! All this is, are chemicals going bonkers in your spouse’s brain making them think they are in “love”. These chemicals are what makes the affair an addiction.
I get letters all the time from betrayed spouse’s saying that their spouse is sitting on the fence, that they are sure who they want. I get letters about those who spouse’s swear up and down that they have ended the affair and will never see them again but end up right back in the affair even thought they KNOW it could cost them everything. They are an addict and we need to treat them as such.
Have you seen the show “Intervention” on A&E? I love that show! If you have a spouse that is sitting on the fence torn between you and the OP then what needs to be done is an Intervention. If you don’t then your spouse will never have an consequences for their actions.
Read the rest of this entry
Saturday, April 24th, 2010 at
6:35 am
They seem to wake up out of their fog pretty quickly and they see how much they stand to lose. They realize that they aren’t really “in love” with the OP at all, that it was all just a fantasy and that they were actually willing to lose everything over a fantasy. The WS is usually willing to do anything to get the BS back and have their family back together again.
Just like an addict, they constantly attempt to reform. If you ask, many WS’s admit that they have tried multiple times to leave the OP but it never really last long. They promise with all sincerity to never again have anything to do with the OP, but unless you make sure that your spouse’s entire social surroundings support this commitment, they will most likely go right back into the affair. My husband tried many times to end the affair and guess what, it never TRULY happened until I knew about the affair and so did everyone else we knew. Only then did the affair come to its true end.
Read the rest of this entry
Wednesday, April 21st, 2010 at
6:30 am
Can a marriage really and truly heal after the aftermath of infidelity? I believe that the answer is YES it really can BUT it takes a lot of hard work from both spouse’s. There will be healing that needs to be done together along with the healing of each individual. There are steps that can be taken to heal the hurt and pain an affair causes. It can also bring back the intimate connection into your marriage.
First things first, the affair must be truly over with no contact put into place. If the affair is still going on or there is still any kind of contact even if it’s not sexual there will be NO healing. The Wayward Spouse must establish no contact with the affair partner. The best way to do this is to have the Wayward Spouse send a certified no contact letter in their own handwriting to the affair partner. Read more about No Contact Letters.
Read the rest of this entry
Sunday, April 18th, 2010 at
6:15 am
No Contact Letter
Once the affair has come to light there must be proper closure to the affair. An agreement must be made between that all contact must end between the Wayward Spouse and the Affair Partner and it must be permanent. There are no if’s, and’s or but’s on this one. This MUST be done for there to be any healing in the marriage. The Wayward Spouse must commit to the No Contact Agreement. Every time the Agreement has been broken the Wayward Spouse must tell the Betrayed Spouse about it as soon as possible. Even if it wasn’t them that broke it, any contact whatsoever should be told immediately. This will build some trust back up in your marriage if this is done every time.
Writing a No Contact Letter to the Affair Partner is the best way to end the affair. This way everything that needs to be said can be with no interruptions and without adding or saying anything you don’t want said. Doing it over the phone or by email allows things to open back up for the OP to respond…and that’s what you are clearly trying to avoid.
Read the rest of this entry
Thursday, April 15th, 2010 at
9:27 am
Did your spouse have an affair and your reeling from the aftermath? Are you hurting and not sure what direction to you should go? Would you like to experience comfort and encouragement every day while going through this most devastating part of your life? Facing the long road of recovery after the discovery of your spouse’s affair is frightening and overwhelming. Daily devotions will help you find God’s deep love for you and His plan for your life and your marriage.
With daily devotions you’ll face each new day with a renewed sense of hope. You’ll be able to see God’s loving plan for your life and feel His peace being poured out into your spirit. Daily devotions will also help you experience His wisdom and comfort by knowing He is listening. You will also be able to turn your pain and devastation from the affair into a new course with a new distinct path. Daily devotions also help you feel wrapped in God’s love and carried in His strong arms. You will be able to uncover new ways of prevailing in the face of your devastation and you will renew and strengthen your trust in God. With daily devotions you can heal your marriage through God’s loving plan.
Read the rest of this entry
