Is My Husband Having An Affair?

Thursday, December 9th, 2010 at 6:00 am  
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Are you plagued by this question? If so, this time of year is a great time to find out. Don’t be like me and have all the signs staring you in the face and purposely turn a blind eye to them. I just think I really didn’t want it to be true so I took every excuse he gave me as truth and left it alone. Burying your head in the sand will NOT make the affair end or not be true.

Many times Affair Partners want to give each other gifts and this really can be their undoing if you just open your eyes. My husband came home around this time of year with a brand new key chain and a really nice one too. It was engraved and everything front and back! I believe it said “Boss” on the front and To: Chuckles From: Chrissy on the back.

I was shaking when I found it and my stomach hurt really bad and well it should have. BUT, I believed my husband when he told me that the whole crew was supposed to chip in and buy the gift for him but in the end no one paid so she ended up getting it herself. I told him that she realize how inappropriate that gift was? I told him to get rid of it and that I never wanted to see it again.

I later found out that she was really mad that he refused to use it and he kept it hidden in the glove box of his truck. What I found out later too, was that there was an engraved business card holder and pen that went with it. I made my husband burn them all when I finally found out the truth.

When I finally found out about the affair, he told me he got her a pair of earrings but I never asked how much or what kind. Just last week we were talking about my earrings and he asked where my diamond stud earrings. I have NEVER owned a pair but he swears he got me a set. My guess is, this is what he got HER but he just doesn’t remember. I didn’t ask because I just didn’t want to go there right now. Maybe someday I will ask him what kind they were and I bet you I’ll be right.

My husband is a contractor and it’s near impossible to keep track of money so he could easily spend money and I’d have no idea he ever did. But, if you can keep track of the money, find out where it’s all going! Check your debut card and see what the charges are.

I never even thought to check his truck to see if he had any gifts hidden there. So, check their vehicles and any other place you may think they would stash a secret present. The gift may be for you so take a photo of it and leave it alone and if you don’t receive the gift, find out who did!

If you’re asking yourself, “Is my husband having an affair?”, gifts could provide the missing pieces of the puzzle. Especially if you’ve already found other telltale signs.

2 Years Later and Wife is Still Angry Over Affair

Monday, December 6th, 2010 at 7:44 am  
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Someone found my blog by typing this into Google. The wayward spouse just doesn’t understand the gravity of what their actions have done to the betrayed spouse. 2 Years is nothing and of course his wife is still going to be angry over his affair. I still was in a lot of pain at 2 years.

Healing from affairs isn’t a fast process, it takes YEARS to become healed. But, at lot of our healing timeline has to do with the wayward spouse and how much they are willing to participate in our healing. Do you freely talk about the affair with your betrayed spouse or do you tell your betrayed spouse to “Get over it already”?

As they betrayed spouse, do you explode in anger all over the wayward spouse every time you hear something that you don’t like? If you do this, why would your wayward spouse want to discuss the affair with you knowing they are going to have their heads ripped off by your anger?

It was 4 1/2 years before I could say that I was healed from my husbands affair. I still have moments where anger and pain comes to the surface but they are very few and far between. It takes a lot of work to get to where I am and if either of you aren’t willing to do the hard work it takes then it will take even longer.

If you are having a hard time getting your spouse to talk about the affair here is a few tips. How to Get Your Spouse to Talk About the Affair

Gordon Ramsay’s Mistress Sarah Symonds

Monday, November 15th, 2010 at 8:21 pm  
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Oh my, I am just hearing about this news! I watch his shows and when he talks about his wife or is with her they seem so in love, man this really bites! I can’t believe the way his mistress, Sarah J Symonds is acting. She actually wrote an open letter to Gordon’s wife Tana on her blog Pillow Talk. Can you believe she is also the author of “Having An Affair? – A Handbook for the Other Woman.”? HELLO!?!?!

She actually has the nerve to tell his wife to stand up for herself and how to NOT be duped by men! Her letter makes me want to smack her across the face! This especially makes me want to barf, “then again, hand on heart, I am honestly blown away. My God, you must not know who to trust anymore, and I don’t blame you!!!! It seems that both men have lied to you and manipulated you, but sadly you have let them Tana.“.

I know when I found out about my husbands affair, I felt like a fool and was SO embarrassed to be around those who knew but that in no way makes me stupid or ignorant! It just means that I trusted someone when someplace in my heart was telling me not to. Sarah is trying very hard to make herself superior to Tana and if anything she is nothing but the sleazy other woman that NO MAN leaves their wives for!

If my husbands other woman posted this I swear I would LOSE IT!

“Anyhow, I am in your corner Tana as I certainly know how hard it is to discover that people you’ve loved and trusted are not who you thought they were at all. It is HEARTBREAKING. Trust me, I know that feeling.”

HELLO!?!?! She’s in HER corner?!?!? She is the one that DID THIS TO HER!!!!!!!

DISGUSTING!!!

Trusting After an Affair

Monday, October 11th, 2010 at 6:00 am  
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Those who had the affair very often don’t tell the truth or the whole truth. I hear this a lot, “He says that he didn’t just tell me the truth, because he was afraid of how I would react.” Sadly, those who have had affairs tend to have this behavior. But, this doesn’t mean that they are a bad person or that there is no hope for your marriage. As you may well know, there is an unwritten rule among those that cheat: “If caught deny it at all costs.”

I am one of the few lucky ones where my husband told me everything I wanted to know and as far as I know, didn’t lie about anything. Well, I never found out about any lie if he did. At the time I didn’t know this was a rare thing, to have one’s spouse tell everything when asked and sever all contact right away.

When coaching couples that are trying to heal their marriages, I try to thoroughly explain how important it is for the unfaithful spouse to come clean with EVERYTHING and not try to hold anything back so as not to “hurt” the betrayed spouse. I try to make them understand how doing this only makes things so much worse and more painful for everyone involved. The betrayed spouse is already hurting; you aren’t going to make them hurt less by “editing” the details of the affair. In the end, all you’re doing is destroying trust and causing the wounds to go deeper.
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Marriage After An Affair; How To Start Rebuilding Your Marriage After An Affair

Monday, October 4th, 2010 at 6:00 am  
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As we all know when it comes to talking, women tend to talk a lot more than a man. Some experts say that women talk about 50% more then men do on any given day. But, I know that this isn’t true in everybody.

My husband and I are the exact opposite of this. I don’t say much at all, to anyone and he loves to talk to everyone. Since the affair, I have learned that my not talking had a lot to do with the shape my marriage was in at the time of the affair.

We have learned how to give each other space and respect when we talk to each other and let me tell you this has helped us both so much.

So, how does one get someone who doesn’t want to talk about the affair or their feelings to open up? Here are some things I have learned.
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Can You Heal A Marriage Without Communication?

Monday, September 27th, 2010 at 6:00 am  
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I get asked this a lot and I sometimes wonder what they exactly mean. Do they mean, “Can I heal without communication?” or do they really mean the marriage itself?

This is a very common problem in healing from affairs: failing to really understand that your personal healing may or may not really include the healing of the marriage. Some people who do stay married after an affair do heal and some do not. Also, some people who divorce after an affair do heal and some do not.

So, let’s go over Personal Healing. Here is what Personal Healing involves.

1. Accepting the fact that yes, the affair really did happen. (No more “if only….” or “why me?”)
2. Understanding affairs, how they happen, why they happen and that they are NOT a personal failure.
3. Purposefully focusing on dealing with the affair and talking openly and honestly about all that has happened.
4. Allowing time to heal.
5. Believing that it really is possible to heal from the affair.

Now let’s go over what “Rebuilding the Marriage” involves.

1. Being willing to answer your questions.
2. Being there and not leaving while you deal with all the emotions that come with affairs.
3. Showing a true and real commitment to the relationship by having NO CONTACT with the affair partner EVER in any way, shape or form.
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How do you get your spouse to talk about the affair?

Thursday, September 2nd, 2010 at 3:31 pm  
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As we all know when it comes to talking, women tend to talk a lot more than a man. Some experts say that women talk about 50% more then men do on any given day. But, I know that this isn’t true in everybody.

My husband and I are the exact opposite of this. I don’t say much at all, to anyone and he loves to talk to everyone. Since the affair, I have learned that my not talking had a lot to do with the shape my marriage was in at the time of the affair.

We have learned how to give each other space and respect when we talk to each other and let me tell you this has helped us both so much.

So, how does one get someone who doesn’t want to talk about the affair or their feelings to open up? Here are some things I have learned.
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Bible Devotions for Women That Have Been Betrayed

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010 at 6:00 am  
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Has your spouse been unfaithful and now you’re feeling devastated and betrayed? Is all this causing you massive pain and confusion? It is possible to be at peace and to feel encouraged as you go through this hard road of healing from affairs. It is not easy going through life after the discovery that your spouse has been cheating on you. Bible devotions for women can help you discover both the love that God has for you and His plans for your life and marriage.

Spending time in bible devotions for women that are specifically for betrayed spouse’s will help you face these hard days with renewed hope. Devotions can reveal God’s plans for you and you’ll experience a sense of His peace within your inner spirit. These bible devotions for women are a way of discovering God’s wisdom and comfort.
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Does Your Spouse Still Have Contact With Their Affair Partner?

Saturday, August 7th, 2010 at 6:00 am  
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Question:

“My husband had an affair with a woman he works with. He has decided to stay with me and the children but he sees her every day at work and has to call her and email her about work related things. How do I get him to see that this MUST stop if we are ever going to move forward? I am in so much pain, please help!”

I’m going to tell you that your marriage can’t even start to heal while your husband is in contact with the other woman. I will say that getting him to cut all ties with the other woman can be very difficult. You must do this at the right time and in the right way. First, you need to get as much perspective as possible and then give your husband an ultimatum in the form of a letter.

I know that my husband thought they could be “just friends” but I put my foot down and even insisted that we move. We moved over 1,000 miles away for over 2 years and this help tremendously. I had a list of musts that he had to do or else he could move out. If I didn’t set these boundaries, I believe we would be divorced today.
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Is Your Spouse Truly Sincere?

Wednesday, August 4th, 2010 at 6:00 am  
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Question:

“My husband has gone into complete no contact with the other woman. But, he has stopped all counseling and he claims that we can work this out ourselves. He also says that he will stay in the marriage because it’s the right thing to do. Yet, nothing has really changed in our marriage except me knowing about the affair. It seems like he cut all ties with her and life goes on as normal. Is he really sincere about wanting our marriage?”

Situations like this make me so sad! It’s both good news and yet it’s also bad news. It’s great that he has cut all ties with the other woman but there is a LOT more to healing from affairs than just this. I believe there are three things that MUST be done to heal from affairs and they are: 1) Severing all contact with the affair partner. 2) Answering ALL questions that the betrayed spouse has. 3) Sticking it out through the whole long and very hard process of recovery with ongoing honest communication.
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