Through the healing process we learn to trust ourselves. We won’t ever be the same and our marriage will never be the same again but don’t let that fool you. You and your marriage can still be happy. I read this in an email this week that you never have to blindly trust someone in order to love them. Love should never assume blind trust.

So, you want to “check up on” your spouse. Just be sure that your motive is to improve the marriage not bring down your spouse. You’re doing this to regain the trust towards your spouse. Also, when you find things out and you want your spouse to be honest with you, that you don’t bite their head off when you get the truth.

Be compassionate towards your spouse, even if you don’t want to be. Do you want them to be truthful with you from now on? They won’t come to you with the truth knowing that when they do you will punish them for it.

After D-Day, your spouse should be fully open with their email passwords, credit card and bank statements, cell phone records, and their whereabouts. There are many ways to check on these things to make sure that fully disclosure is being done. But, doing these things is up to you.

If it will make you feel better and is for the purpose of improving your marriage then feel free to go ahead with it. Don’t let this become a crutch or a habit. Once you have trust back for your spouse, you should find that you really don’t need to do these things any more.

I know for me it took about 6 months and I found that I just didn’t check up on him any more. I know that if I EVER feel even the slightest twinge of anything being “off” I will go into full force spy mode! You will learn to trust yourself and you will know when, if ever, you need to check up on your spouse again.