This is a very common problem in healing from affairs: failing to really understand that your personal healing may or may not really include the healing of the marriage. Some people who do stay married after an affair do heal and some do not. Also, some people who divorce after an affair do heal and some do not.

So, let’s go over Personal Healing. Here is what Personal Healing involves.

1. Accepting the fact that yes, the affair really did happen. (No more “if only….” or “why me?”)
2. Understanding affairs, how they happen, why they happen and that they are NOT a personal failure.
3. Purposefully focusing on dealing with the affair and talking openly and honestly about all that has happened.
4. Allowing time to heal.
5. Believing that it really is possible to heal from the affair.

Now let’s go over what “Rebuilding the Marriage” involves.

My husband and I are the exact opposite of this. I don’t say much at all, to anyone and he loves to talk to everyone. Since the affair, I have learned that my not talking had a lot to do with the shape my marriage was in at the time of the affair.

We have learned how to give each other space and respect when we talk to each other and let me tell you this has helped us both so much.