I believe that it needs to be written down on paper. It needs to be a detailed account of the total affair: how it started, how it developed, the justifications used for allowing themselves to be in the affair, how they hid the affair, what you and the Affair Partner talked about, where you went and what you did together, where you and the Affair Partner had sex and how many times you had sex, was it protected or not. The Betrayed Spouse should be able to ask questions and the Wayward Spouse should answer them with kindness and patience. But the betrayed spouse also has to show that kindness in turn and not attack the wayward spouse about the information they are giving. If you think you are going to explode with anger or be very upset, then STOP and walk away until you can begin again.
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Archive for marriage and infidelity
Wayward Spouse’s are usually afraid to say and tell all, as they don’t want to cause great pain for their spouse. Most wayward spouses probably want to run away from the pain they see in you because it causes them pain too. What some Wayward Spouse’s don’t realize is that lying and lying by omission just causes more pain and trauma in the Betrayed Spouse making it feel like your both back to square one. In fully disclosing the details the Wayward Spouse will then require respect from the Betrayed Spouse.
The “No Contact Letter” should be written in the Wayward Spouse’s own handwriting. It really should be sent certified. Remember, this isn’t a “goodbye forever love letter” but it’s really stating that the affair is over, it was wrong, you were selfish, you love your spouse and family very much and you want to make your marriage work and that you’ll be fighting and working on saving your marriage. You should also state how much you have hurt your spouse and how you are going to spend the rest of your life making it up to them.
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I believe that the answer is YES it really can BUT it takes a lot of hard work from both spouse’s. There will be healing that needs to be done together along with the healing of each individual. There are steps that can be taken to heal the hurt and pain an affair causes. It can also bring back the intimate connection into your marriage.
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