The painful thoughts are going to come, you can’t stop them and they’ll sometimes seem to come out of nowhere. But what you do after they come is what’s going to make all the difference.

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Here are the  remainder of the six steps to surviving infidelity.

• Work on some of the most glaring problems in the marriage.  The ones that don’t have anything to do with the affair.  Try and really work through these problems and strive for a stronger marriage.  This was hard for me because I felt that I had to do all this work and try and change when I didn’t even do anything wrong.  But try and not feel this way.  Know that this is for the benefit of the marriage.  Work on meeting each other’s most important emotional needs.  Work with your counselor when discussing sensitive issues.  Remember you want to build a stronger marriage and make it as affair proof as possible.

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Devastated is the word most used to describe the feelings you have after finding out about the affair.  The struggle isn’t really being able to function, but the challenge is to simply “survive”.  Your physical and emotional self needs to adjust to the new reality of your life.  Even if you have suspected that your spouse was having an affair, there’s still a shock to your system when you find out “for sure”.

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Can someone really survive infidelity in his or her marriage?  I totally believe that you can survive infidelity, as long as it’s not repeated over and over with a spouse that has no remorse.  But if your spouse is very remorseful and is very willing to work on the marriage and there isn’t history of infidelities, then yes, you your marriage can survive infidelity.

Know that you are not alone in this fight.  About 80% of marriages will fall victim to infidelity.  Surviving infidelity can actually make a marriage stronger, however, it’s a very personal choice if you stay in the marriage or leave it.  Make sure you make that decision yourself and that you are not influenced by others.  I wouldn’t even make that decision for a full year so that you aren’t making a choice from emotions.  If you are willing to work hard and long then here are 6 strategies for getting past the devastation pain of infidelity.
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Acknowledgment
Giving up; yielding to what is. Only when you reach this point can you even begin to deal with the situation. At this point your thinking becomes possible, allowing you to get out from under being totally ruled by your emotions.
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Questions asked during this time:

Can I really and truly ever forgive?
Why do I still feel so sad?
How can I stop thinking about his affair?
How can I stop blaming myself?
Will the pain ever go away?
Is it normal to feel worse?
How can I get it out of my mind?
How can I recover when divorce results?
How can I regain my self-esteem?
What are the stages of recovery?
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Holding On

The attempt to maintain the old situation, the not letting go. This can take the form of denial of simply an unwillingness to deal with this significant change in your life. You may feel in limbo; unable to go back but unwilling to move forward.

Feelings: Anger, resentment, bitterness, need for revenge, roller coaster feelings, what feels like endless pain and hurt, depression, hopelessness, love, hate, frustration, unfairness,
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