Question:

It’s been almost a year since I found out about my husband’s affair and I am still so angry. I went from really wanting to work things out to now just wanting to walk away. How come I am still angry after all this time?

It is very common that after a period of time that the angry comes. You find that now that the pain has diminished somewhat that you are seeing the unfairness of it all and your feelings are shifting over to anger. Your pain was saying, “How could you?” and your anger is saying, “How dare you!”

I see it this way, if you are having a lot of anger then you are actually making progress in your recovery. You are becoming stronger and it shows you are becoming more able to handle things.

You can use this anger as a catalyst to motivate you to do what needs to be done to recover. This anger can get you unstuck from your pain if you use it productively. BUT, beware NOT to get stuck in your anger or acting out with it as that is very counterproductive.

In my book “Godly Whispers” I cover anger and how how to deal with it properly for a full week. The book will be done by next week. The Workbook that goes along with the Devotional will also be done next week and will be so helpful in sorting out your feelings and what to do with them.

I also struggled with anger but back then I had no idea how to use it to help me with recovering. Instead, I lashed out and just about ruined my marriage.

Here is a journal entry I found:

Now it’s been 11 months since I found out about Chuck’s affair. I’m still hurting most days and my mind seems to think that the affair is the only thing worth thinking about. We’ve had some really horrible fights and I’m still SO angry!!! I still feel no love for him and I really do want the love and intimacy to come back into my marriage. I want the hate and anger to leave. I have been feeling out of sorts lately like nothing is “right” about my life.

How do you fall in love again?

As you can see, even at almost a year out I was still a mess. Healing from affairs takes YEARS not months and a lot of people just really don’t get that. Please don’t beat yourself up if you think you should be further along in your recovery than you are. Where you are in your recovery is right where you should be. If you feel out of control and at the end of your rope please email me so that we can talk.