They are addictions and they have nothing to do with love. I don’t care if your spouse says that the OP (Other Person) is their “soul mate” and that they didn’t know what “love” truly was until they meet the OP, this is NOT love! All this is, are chemicals going bonkers in your spouse’s brain making them think they are in “love”. These chemicals are what makes the affair an addiction.

I get letters all the time from betrayed spouse’s saying that their spouse is sitting on the fence, that they are sure who they want. I get letters about those who spouse’s swear up and down that they have ended the affair and will never see them again but end up right back in the affair even thought they KNOW it could cost them everything. They are an addict and we need to treat them as such.

Have you seen the show “Intervention” on A&E? I love that show! If you have a spouse that is sitting on the fence torn between you and the OP then what needs to be done is an Intervention. If you don’t then your spouse will never have an consequences for their actions.

I have seen many WS’s (Wayward Spouse) having their cake and eating it too while the BS (Betrayed Spouse) gets hurt over and over and over again and their love for their spouse totally dies along with the marriage. These WS’s don’t ever seem to have to justify their behavior to their older children, none had to leave the home and have to be inconvenienced with other living arrangements, none were denied any sexual privileges from the BS, none had to pay any type of counselor, none had to pay a lawyer (or two), none had to face any kind of financial pressure of keeping up two homes and none ever had to look into a mirror and say to themselves, “Why does everyone think this is all my fault?”

So, why then is the BS surprised when the affair or contact keeps going? I mean really, it’s just about to be expected! I’m sorry if this seems harsh but it’s the truth. I have an extremely hard time getting the BS to do the things necessary to get their WS to end the affair and all contact once and for all. They somehow feel it’s “mean” and they want to avoid all conflict because they feel it will only push their spouse into the OP’s arms. Maybe it will, but the WS almost always wants the BS back once they have no one BUT the OP.

They seem to wake up out of their fog pretty quickly and they see how much they stand to lose. They realize that they aren’t really “in love” with the OP at all, that it was all just a fantasy and that they were actually willing to lose everything over a fantasy. The WS is usually willing to do anything to get the BS back and have their family back together again.

Just like an addict, they constantly attempt to reform. If you ask, many WS’s admit that they have tried multiple times to leave the OP but it never really last long. They promise with all sincerity to never again have anything to do with the OP, but unless you make sure that your spouse’s entire social surroundings support this commitment, they will most likely go right back into the affair. My husband tried many times to end the affair and guess what, it never TRULY happened until I knew about the affair and so did everyone else we knew. Only then did the affair come to its true end.

The BS needs to understand that this is NOT being “mean”. Intervention is a form of tough love and your tough love is saying, “I care enough about you and the life we have created together to run the risk of making you uncomfortable and angry in order to bring the end to this very destructive behavior. I care enough about myself to set boundaries about what I will accept in my life if you choose to continue with this kind of behavior.”

So, what all does Intervention entail?

* Confronting with solid evidence
* Exposing the affair
* Confronting the OP – usually via letter NOT in person
* Getting support
* Setting boundaries


What to expect from the WS during the Intervention phase.

* Denial and lies
* Extreme anger
* Threats

Just like on the TV show, you don’t have to do this Intervention alone. Gather support around you and rally everyone together for the sake of your marriage just like they do to save someone from themselves on the show “Intervention”.

I plan on making a recording about this step and how to do it correctly and most effectively. I find that many BS’s can’t do this on their own because it goes against everything they are feeling. Because they are reacting through their feelings they end up being enablers of the affair instead.

If you are hurting and need someone to talk to please contact me, I would be happy to help any way I can.