Friday, April 30th, 2010 at
7:00 am
Acknowledgment
Giving up; yielding to what is. Only when you reach this point can you even begin can you even begin to deal with the situation. At this point your thinking becomes possible, allowing you to get out from under being totally ruled by your emotions.
Adaptation and Change
Establishing a new world and a sense of worth. This is the “true” recovery period. So you can see that recovery does not begin right away. The first steps must be gotten through before recovery can be undertaken. The key is to get to this point of beginning the recovery as soon as possible.
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Tuesday, April 27th, 2010 at
6:40 am
Affairs are not a love story……
They are addictions and they have nothing to do with love. I don’t care if your spouse says that the OP (Other Person) is their “soul mate” and that they didn’t know what “love” truly was until they meet the OP, this is NOT love! All this is, are chemicals going bonkers in your spouse’s brain making them think they are in “love”. These chemicals are what makes the affair an addiction.
I get letters all the time from betrayed spouse’s saying that their spouse is sitting on the fence, that they are sure who they want. I get letters about those who spouse’s swear up and down that they have ended the affair and will never see them again but end up right back in the affair even thought they KNOW it could cost them everything. They are an addict and we need to treat them as such.
Have you seen the show “Intervention” on A&E? I love that show! If you have a spouse that is sitting on the fence torn between you and the OP then what needs to be done is an Intervention. If you don’t then your spouse will never have an consequences for their actions.
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Saturday, April 24th, 2010 at
6:35 am
They seem to wake up out of their fog pretty quickly and they see how much they stand to lose. They realize that they aren’t really “in love” with the OP at all, that it was all just a fantasy and that they were actually willing to lose everything over a fantasy. The WS is usually willing to do anything to get the BS back and have their family back together again.
Just like an addict, they constantly attempt to reform. If you ask, many WS’s admit that they have tried multiple times to leave the OP but it never really last long. They promise with all sincerity to never again have anything to do with the OP, but unless you make sure that your spouse’s entire social surroundings support this commitment, they will most likely go right back into the affair. My husband tried many times to end the affair and guess what, it never TRULY happened until I knew about the affair and so did everyone else we knew. Only then did the affair come to its true end.
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Wednesday, April 21st, 2010 at
6:30 am
Can a marriage really and truly heal after the aftermath of infidelity? I believe that the answer is YES it really can BUT it takes a lot of hard work from both spouse’s. There will be healing that needs to be done together along with the healing of each individual. There are steps that can be taken to heal the hurt and pain an affair causes. It can also bring back the intimate connection into your marriage.
First things first, the affair must be truly over with no contact put into place. If the affair is still going on or there is still any kind of contact even if it’s not sexual there will be NO healing. The Wayward Spouse must establish no contact with the affair partner. The best way to do this is to have the Wayward Spouse send a certified no contact letter in their own handwriting to the affair partner. Read more about No Contact Letters.
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Sunday, April 18th, 2010 at
6:15 am
No Contact Letter
Once the affair has come to light there must be proper closure to the affair. An agreement must be made between that all contact must end between the Wayward Spouse and the Affair Partner and it must be permanent. There are no if’s, and’s or but’s on this one. This MUST be done for there to be any healing in the marriage. The Wayward Spouse must commit to the No Contact Agreement. Every time the Agreement has been broken the Wayward Spouse must tell the Betrayed Spouse about it as soon as possible. Even if it wasn’t them that broke it, any contact whatsoever should be told immediately. This will build some trust back up in your marriage if this is done every time.
Writing a No Contact Letter to the Affair Partner is the best way to end the affair. This way everything that needs to be said can be with no interruptions and without adding or saying anything you don’t want said. Doing it over the phone or by email allows things to open back up for the OP to respond…and that’s what you are clearly trying to avoid.
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Thursday, April 15th, 2010 at
9:27 am
Did your spouse have an affair and your reeling from the aftermath? Are you hurting and not sure what direction to you should go? Would you like to experience comfort and encouragement every day while going through this most devastating part of your life? Facing the long road of recovery after the discovery of your spouse’s affair is frightening and overwhelming. Daily devotions will help you find God’s deep love for you and His plan for your life and your marriage.
With daily devotions you’ll face each new day with a renewed sense of hope. You’ll be able to see God’s loving plan for your life and feel His peace being poured out into your spirit. Daily devotions will also help you experience His wisdom and comfort by knowing He is listening. You will also be able to turn your pain and devastation from the affair into a new course with a new distinct path. Daily devotions also help you feel wrapped in God’s love and carried in His strong arms. You will be able to uncover new ways of prevailing in the face of your devastation and you will renew and strengthen your trust in God. With daily devotions you can heal your marriage through God’s loving plan.
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Monday, April 12th, 2010 at
11:36 am
Is your gut telling you that your spouse is having an affair? Are you tired of being made the fool? You know deep down that they are cheating but you just don’t have enough proof to confront them. Here are the top 10 signs of a cheater and if they have more than 4 of these then there is a good chance your spouse is cheating on you.
#1 Any Friendships You Feel Funny About
If your spouse has a friendship that you feel is just too close for comfort then you have something to be worried about. If they play it off like they are “just friends” and that your crazy for even thinking like that, beware!
#2 Working A Lot Of Overtime
They start spending longer hours away at word, new projects have come up that take a lot of their time. Suddenly need to go on a lot of out of town business conferences. All of a sudden have a “work only” cell phone that you can’t have access too. No longer invite you to office functions.
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Thursday, April 1st, 2010 at
6:00 am
I saw the other woman on Saturday afternoon July 6, 2008. My son and husband and I wanted to get out of the house. It was around 11 AM. We first went to the fireworks store to see if they had any more of the fireworks that we really like and ran out of. They only had small and large and everything was jacked up in price so we left. It’s always best to get your fireworks a month before the 4th. We got ours before Father’s Day and got a lot of good deals.
Anyway, after that we were hungry and we decided to go to the restaurant which is right at the end of the road from the fireworks place. We had a booth by the window and we ate our lunch and my husband had to go to the bathroom so my son and I sat there and waited for him. Then this family walked in, two kids, husband, wife. They were going to sit right across from us where there is a fish tank that you can watch while you eat. The kids were already sitting down there. I looked at her and smiled and thought to myself, man she looks familiar, who is she? I should know her. Then I heard her yell at her kids “Get Up!” and she herded everyone into the next room around the corner. I sat there wondering who she was.
I told my son, I’m tired of waiting for Dad, let’s go check out. So we went up to the cash register and I was busy paying the tip and getting a cookie for my son and I got a mint and paying the bill. My husband came out of the bathroom and came over to us and then I saw him look their way and the look on his face told me who that was. Yup, it was the other woman. I have only ever seen her very thin with short curly hair and this lady was heavy with long hair with no bangs pulled back into a pony tail. Actually she looks just like me except I have bangs. SIGH!! I never looked back at her. My husband said when he saw her she hid behind her menu.
I haven’t seen her in almost 5 years. I didn’t recognize her kids either cuz they were so young last I saw them and kids change so much around those ages. I have always been afraid of running into her and what I would do or feel or what would happen, etc. Well, the day finally came and it wasn’t that big a deal. Maybe it’s because I didn’t really recognize her. I do know that since then I have thought of nothing else. My brain won’t let me think of anything else and it’s driving me nuts. That is the VERY first thing I thought of when I woke up. Now, I have been going weeks or longer without giving her a thought! This is just something I have to work through I guess. It just really bothers me that she looks just like me 
My husband and I talked about the whole thing when we left. I thought that would help but it didn’t. We talk about this at my support group, the sightings and what would we do if we saw them and how much we DON’T want to run into them etc. Just really made my holiday weekend suck!
