I believe that it needs to be written down on paper. It needs to be a detailed account of the total affair: how it started, how it developed, the justifications used for allowing themselves to be in the affair, how they hid the affair, what you and the Affair Partner talked about, where you went and what you did together, where you and the Affair Partner had sex and how many times you had sex, was it protected or not. The Betrayed Spouse should be able to ask questions and the Wayward Spouse should answer them with kindness and patience. But the betrayed spouse also has to show that kindness in turn and not attack the wayward spouse about the information they are giving. If you think you are going to explode with anger or be very upset, then STOP and walk away until you can begin again.
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Infidelity and Obsessive Thoughts (Part Two)
07 Mar 2010
The painful thoughts are going to come, you can’t stop them and they’ll sometimes seem to come out of nowhere. But what you do after they come is what’s going to make all the difference.
Surviving Infidelity – Forgivness (Part One)
04 Mar 2010
If you truly want your marriage to survive infidelity then you must be ready to forgive and learn to trust your spouse again. Surviving infidelity doesn’t mean learning to live and exist in a loveless marriage. You have to be prepared to move on, you will never forget what has happened but you certainly can forgive the past and look forward to a better more fulfilling marriage.
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Running into “The Other Woman”
01 Mar 2010
Have you ever had to deal with running into “The Other Person”? I found out about my husbands affair July 2004 and even though she lived in the same town I never ran into her. We run in VERY different circles. But this year it’s much different.
Her son plays 7th grade football, my two play 8th grade football, SIGH! I see her every time I pick the boys up from practice. I see her at the home games for the 7th graders, because my boys have to attend. I see her when my husband and I go to the home high school football games. So, I am seeing her ALL THE TIME!!
This would have killed me a few years ago. Now though, it doesn’t bother me the same way. I saw her one other time on July 6th, 2007 at a restaurant here in town and I hated how she looked JUST like me! She had her hair just like mine, she weighed about what I do. It was just disturbing! I obsessed about her for weeks! I wanted to cut all my hair off JUST so I wouldn’t look like her!
I know it’s not nice, but it makes me happy to see that she weighs about 50 or more pounds then when she was seeing my husband, her hair is dyed blond with long real dark roots and she wears glasses now. She looks NOTHING like me, in fact, it’s nice to see she is a LOT heavier than me. When she was seeing my husband she was a size 6, short curly hair, dressed girly, etc. I, on the other hand, was a size 18, my hair is straight and long, I wear sweats and t-shirts. I hate wearing girly stuff. So, to say my self-esteem was shattered would be an understatement.
She “used” to be my friend! One summer, when our kids were young, we hung out at the beach every day with our kids. I did have some red flags from her, even back then. She used to say, ALL THE TIME, how much she liked my husband and how she wished her husband was just like mine, etc. etc. Everything I bought my boys, she in turn had to get it for her son. It was weird! In fact, it was so weird I told my husband one day, “I think Chrissy wants to have an affair with you.” He said that the one thing I would NEVER have to worry about was him having an affair and ESPECIALLY not with Chrissy!! Even then he and I both knew she slept around. I believe that was 2 years before the affair started.
I have now lost weight and I’m a size 12 and it’s nice to see her look so big! I have also decided not to give her any more power over me. I have spent YEARS trying to be “better” than her. For 5 years I don’t know if a day has gone by that she hasn’t crossed my mind. I REALLY need to kick her out of my head and like me for who I am and not worry about her and what she thinks or feels. I can hold my head up high and even look her right in the eye and SMILE! She, of course, looks away quickly and runs the other way. I am NO LONGER going to let her ruin my life!
Today, October 12, 2009, my husband and I have been married for 18 years! Our marriage still isn’t where I want it to be, but it’s WAY better than it ever was BEFORE the affair! It’s been a LONG HARD road, but I’m SO glad I choose to stay and work it out.
Surviving Infidelity – Forgivness (Part Two)
26 Feb 2010
No two marriages are alike, so each one will be different in how they chose to move forward. Here are some things you can do that will push you forward in your marriage.
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Wayward Spouse’s are usually afraid to say and tell all, as they don’t want to cause great pain for their spouse. Most wayward spouses probably want to run away from the pain they see in you because it causes them pain too. What some Wayward Spouse’s don’t realize is that lying and lying by omission just causes more pain and trauma in the Betrayed Spouse making it feel like your both back to square one. In fully disclosing the details the Wayward Spouse will then require respect from the Betrayed Spouse.
Do you have a sinking feeling that your spouse might be cheating on you but you just aren’t sure? There are many signs of a cheating spouse and if you get to really know them and watch for them you’ll be able to catch them in the affair. Here #8-10 of the top 10 red flags of a cheater.
